there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
