singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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