Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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