All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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