I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
