Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
