I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
