If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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