If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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