help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
