you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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