In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You're like the curious george of whores
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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