Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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