He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Send help, water and tortillas.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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