Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
