I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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