i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
