my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
