i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
