A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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