do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why do cheetos always look like penises
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
