I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
