I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
did you just send me my own nude
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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