Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize