based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
