Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
