It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
