I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
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One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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