i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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