oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
