If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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