Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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