booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize