my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
