my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
