im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
