can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
