Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately