well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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