Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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