ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
