K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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