Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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