Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
