gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My feet surprised me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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