I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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