I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
