i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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