remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
