If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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