hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
