just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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