What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
