they need to just BURY HIM!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
