i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
