remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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