the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
