Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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