Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
