A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You dont lie about slip and slides
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
