i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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