Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
