it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
