well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
