At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
