if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
