I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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