Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
