Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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