So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle