I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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