i think my mom watched the whole time
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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