she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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